Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
