The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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