Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
