We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
