What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
