You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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