I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
