dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
