Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
