Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
