hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize