seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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