I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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