I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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