so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A+ Viking dick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
