Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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