shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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