I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
