i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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