dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
