There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
