I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
