How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
