you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
