I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
