i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
