oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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