I skipped work to stalk him.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
