tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
