Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
