you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
