I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk is not a location!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
