had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
