i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize