I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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