No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
