suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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