Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
