I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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