We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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