i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
