As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
