I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
