Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dignity is for republicans.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
