I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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