I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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