Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
