I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
