yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
