Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Randomize
