Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize