Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
