I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
