i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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