yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
