well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize