The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
