your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
