What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
