Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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