first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize