I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
