gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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