I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
