Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He? As in you personified your dick?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
