it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
