And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
