from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
