I can text with my tongue
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize