I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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