..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
