I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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