its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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