babies were throwing up all over the place
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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