THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
