I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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