Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
this will be a night to untag.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
