Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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