this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
