john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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