I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
