i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
