my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
