fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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