The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
