it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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