She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
