Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
