In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
