I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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