Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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