i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
