Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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