alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
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