Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My vagina just clenched in fear
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
